the b in lgbtq

LGBTQ Night at El Rio

some of you know, some of you don’t, but i am bi.

no, i am not confused, i am not undecided, it does not mean i want to sleep with anything that moves. but it *is* complicated.

when the wonderful agatha ‘the phoenix violinist’ varshenka posted an open call for musicians in the lgbtq community to play with her at El Rio in SF this friday, i hesitated to come forward. and even though they deliberately put the b in lgbtq, i just…


i hesitated. big time.

am i allowed to take up space from others who are more marginalized? i mean, i have this thing called “passing privilege.” i get to hide behind relationships with men and look normal. i sometimes feel i don’t deserve to take up the spotlight when there’s probably someone else who has it worse and needs the platform more than i do.

and that’s what has kept me from fully embracing and identifying myself in this queer community. i still feel funny about it, like i’m not queer enough or something.

but here’s the thing: in really, really uncertain political times, we need all voices to step forward. including those of us who don’t feel like we fit in. even in the misfit crowd.

we need to be our full, authentic, awkward selves and be brave enough to be fully seen.

that’s what i’m doing this friday. it’s lgbtq night, like it is every friday night at el rio. there will be celebration, music, art and community. there will also be no cover charge to anyone who says they’re there for the show. (you can even win two free drink tickets to the show.)

this is sorta kinda my first public foray aligning myself with the lgbtq community. you could consider it my coming-out show.

so if you’re in the bay, come out, too.

and if you’re not in the area, come out loud with your badass self. anyway you can. queer, straight, tall, short, as the best funk dancer in chicago or most introverted book nerd in kansas. a closeted christian in a family of atheists or a closeted wiccan in a family of christians.

come out, come out.

however you are.

❤️ 💛 💚 💙 💜

2 thoughts on “the b in lgbtq”

  1. thanks for the blog post and your thoughtful insights. As a queer identified bisexual for years I have felt disaffected by the queer community for a variety of reasons. I didn’t seem to fit in…but in that way, ironically, I am exactly like so many in our community!!

    I didn’t like the smarmy white male privileged politics, the closed rank hard core lesbian security task force, the assumptions that to be a cool gay man you had to be promiscuous and party and be risky or the censure that I cant be promiscuous if I am lesbian…and if you’re bi, well, then you’re a fence sitter, a poser, you might not look “gay” enough…ugh, just turned my back on the entire community and got on with my life. so, maybe I can try and come back in?? I dunno, as myself? I have my doubts. So do tons of others you will never see at Pride, or the Center, etc. We gave up on being included.

    1. hey leslie, i hear you. the bi erasure and disrespect is real. but i do see a tide shifting, even a little bit, to be more inclusive. i do hope you come out to the show and stand up for exactly who you are. every voice is gong to be important in trump’s america. everyone has different needs with marginalized communities, and i hope we can stand up for our needs too, alongside our fellow queers, and that we all can see each letter for who we are and what we bring to the table.

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